Started swimming my way to the center I've been playing to my pleasure receptors I've been pardoning people for their behavior I'm somewhere between a sellout and a savior My days a series of carefully planned distractions Deep thoughts and slightly delayed reactions All of these marks on my skin are burns and scratches Everything is so much better in my absence I feel so unappreciated for my absence And I pull myself apart providing people access And I lose opportunities because I'm anxious And it's been twenty years and I still can't fully grasp it What's the arbitrary value of my ashes 'Cause I'm ninety nine percent sure life if filled with nonsense And if I have to kill myself to clear my conscience I'll put the awful parts about me up for auction Lazy and lonely for the long-term Heart burn I think I took the wrong turn And frankly I'm confused by my surroundings, but I've found things to keep me grounded I'm unprepared and unadjusted Slowly been betrayed by all the people that I trusted Can't wait 'till the day that the universe does me justice It could be days, it could be months, it could be hundreds I feel so unappreciated for my absence And I pull myself apart providing people access And I lose opportunities because I'm anxious And it's been twenty years and I still can't fully grasp it What's the arbitrary value of my ashes 'Cause I'm ninety nine percent sure life if filled with nonsense And if I have to kill myself to clear my conscience I'll put the awful parts about me up for auction I never quite knew how to deal with pain well That's why I spent the last two years destroying all my brain cells I'm walking on a narrow path of needles, pins, and eggshells And I can feel my spirit leave my body when I exhale I can communicate with those beyond the grave 'Cause honestly I've died a bit over the years myself in many ways I am a pessimistic particle of hate No, I'm not the type of person you should talk to everyday Swam as fast as I could, but now it's over A simple man with a stomach of a soldier There were casualties, maybe hundreds in total I'll let them know I'm the one who slit their throat I feel so unappreciated for my absence And I pull myself apart providing people access And I lose opportunities because I'm anxious And its been twenty years and I still can't fully grasp it What's the arbitrary value of my ashes 'Cause I'm ninety nine percent sure life if filled with nonsense And if I have to kill myself to clear my conscience I'll put the awful parts about me up for auction I never quite knew how to deal with pain well That's why I spent the last two years destroying all my brain cells I'm walking on a narrow path of needles, pins, and eggshells And I can feel my spirit leave my body when I exhale I can communicate with those beyond the grave I can communicate with those beyond the grave I can communicate with those beyond the grave, with those beyond the grave

Spent last night in a prison cell, way too fucked up to breathe Oh I'd kill myself, but they already took my belt from me Well I'm awake from all these pills, but I still feel the bags under my eyes I lie awake in the darkness of night As I calmly contemplated death God tied this noose around my neck I took salvation as a threat So I'll set ablaze this dying nest the worse it gets

I put a gun to my head, to try and break my mind 'Cause I'm taking more control, I guess I'm taking more control I put a knife to your tongue, to make you stop telling me that you love me, love me again So save your breath, 'cause I can't stand the smell of your cigarettes Save my life, 'cause I can't save it myself I've got a six-pack of beer in my trunk Oh god I hope I don't crash my car tonight Jesse find a cure Get me high I will endure All your secrets to pretend I look cool and composed, but yet I crumble inside almost every time So keep your forked tongue behind your teeth Let's just keep this between you and me I've got a six-pack of beer in my trunk Oh god I hope I don't crash my car tonight Jesse find a cure Get me high I will endure All your secrets to pretend Your legs are smooth as your body lies on mine, I'll take these secrets as a lie

Every time I face my fears, it blows up in my face From that day on, I knew that I'd be dying in this place A holding cell, this grave I dug deliberately deep These thoughts of failure keep me captive, haunt me in my sleep I promise I don't want to die this life is all I know I'm just immature as fuck and I need some time to grow This stressful situation creates tension in my wrists So I walk these empty streets with a blunt between my cold dead lips Factory pressed to be the best I don't quite fit the model I'm slowly becoming obsessed 'Cause this sadness seems perpetual And I've made myself a vegetable And it's really nice to meet you, oh I'm so glad I met you all Got many people you can call Who will make sure I'm miserable 'Cause this fucked up world just can't accept me as an individual Starved of recognition, I'm a joke, a fraud, a one hit wonder I'm just delirious from all the pressure that I'm under I am a sorry, sour soul but my worst fear aren't tangible Just going through the motions, daily life feels so mechanical 'Cause this sadness seems perpetual And I've made myself a vegetable And it's really nice to meet you, oh I'm so glad I met you all Got many people you can call Who will make sure I'm miserable 'Cause this fucked up world just can't accept me as an individual Stand as still as a statue, as I watch from the backroom Petrified with fear it almost feels like I have to It feels like I'm on house arrest, 'cause my world's a fucking mess And I've got to make my mark before I fade to nothingness because, I view this world from different angles, with this bracelet on my ankle And when I try to speak I choke, its almost like I'm being strangled I am a prisoner of war who's not sure what he's fighting for I am the jealousy and hatred you ignore, so fall to the floor